Late Night Chat with Jeff: pleasing Baba, pleasing others, Sep 15, 2024, live on Baba Zoom

We have some informal chat after every arti, the "post-arti party"! But once a week, Jeff Wolverton joins us for some serious mining of the spiritual depths. Join us for conversation, more readings, songs, quotes - you never know what treasures will be uncovered!

The Topic: Pleasing Baba, Pleasing Others

Dear folks of Baba,

One of you wrote this as a suggestion for a topic: “I'm curious to explore ‘the fear of being judged’ and how this leads to ‘people pleasing’ but not necessarily pleasing Baba. It's something I've been working on letting go of and surrendering, but there are lots of layers. I think it stems from this longing to belong and be loved. The ego is seeking, and does not realize we already always have this belonging and love within.”

Most people grow up having been taught that it is important to please others. And in most cases, that is better for the sake of harmony than displeasing others. However, in agreeing with others and going along with what they want is often a way, in the short term, of avoiding conflict. It feels like the safer choice, but over time it doesn’t succeed because we are often having to make compromises with the deeper part of ourselves.

As Baba lovers, we are very fortunate. Few people have ever been exposed to what Baba has introduced to us, the critical importance of pleasing Him in others, or pleasing the divine in others. This distinction is rarely discerned and understood, and yet it is paramount to achieving a harmonious interior life. In pleasing others, there is always an element of self-interest; we are usually trying to avoid the discomfort of coming into conflict with others. In pleasing Baba, our concern is for the spiritual well-being of others.

We are taught to be good, but there is a world of difference between being good and being loving. The mandali emphasized the supreme importance of distinguishing between the two. Good, for example, springing from our conditioning (sanskaras) is really calculated and has a great difficulty in saying “No”, because it wants to please. Whereas love, with its concern for the spiritual well-being of others or oneself, has the courage to say “No.” And this “No” can be very displeasing to others when it goes against what they expressly want, even when it is in their best interests. Of course, we have to be very diplomatic in how we convey this; the ego in others does not like to be opposed or contradicted, and we may be judged. Decades can go by in trying to master this nuance.

How do we know when we’re pleasing Baba in others as opposed to pleasing them? There is no easy formula for this. I take it that when we sincerely make sacrifices for the spiritual well-being of others, in whatever way we interpret that, we are pleasing Baba in others. We attend to the growing love in them. Over time, Baba awakens the sensitivity and insight that can discern the qualitative differences of frequency; pleasing others is of the sanskaras, our conditioning, whereas pleasing Baba in others comes from beyond the sanskaras; it arises as a spontaneous prompting of love itself. What makes discernment so difficult is the fact that, in whatever we do, there is always an admixture of both responses, self-protection and affirming the spiritual well-being of others.

What challenges have you faced in trying to please Baba in others as opposed to just pleasing others? Are you able to discern a qualitative difference? Do you find yourself being judged for taking a stand that is contrary to what another wants or is different from the conventional response to situations? Do you find it difficult as Baba has said, “to take a stand on the Truth within”? Has it driven you closer to Baba in facing these challenges? Do you feel that you are somehow betraying yourself in your interactions with certain people? How much does fear of rejection play a part in your reactions to others?

In His love, Jeff

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